In Memory Of My Beloved Twin Sister

As Each day comes and goes, Im always reminded in some way or another of My Sister, whether its looking in a mirror and not seeing my reflection looking back but our reflection looking back at Me, I try not to keep mirrors up unless I have to just so I dont see the reflection more than I have to, or looking at My daughter and seeing some of the things she does or says that remind me of you.
They say with each passing day it will get easier, and everything happens for a reason.,I have learn to deal that you are not here with me, and thou I learn to deal with it, its not any easier as it was the first day you passed, it has become easier to get up in morning, but no easier bearing the loss of you.
I have so much to be thankful for, I have a woman who loves me and who I love , and love sharing my life with, a daughter who has taught me so much, but still, there is a void within me that I cannot seem to fill, a piece of me thats lost without you..
Our past haunts me, we can never choose what family we are born into, and how life pans out,so many bad memories, they haunt Me, they tear at my heart, wishing I had been older, to protect you, but knows that could never been, inside me I lash out, I want to hurt the ones who hurt us, we came in this world together, you 3 mins older, both of us sharing things that no one other than twins can ever understand, there is such a close bond, something deep within that only we can understand, you knew what I was thinking, you were my protector, I needed you as much as you needed me, we did everything together for 17 yrs, we cried together, we laugh together, we play together, we slept in same bed, if I got sick you got sick and vise versa., then that dreadful day came and you were in a car accident.
I sat with you, held your hand, and cried, you never woke, 3 days later, it was time to let you go, I remember kissing you and whispering to you, its ok you can go home now, I will be ok, and one day we will be together again and I kissed you and the doctor turn the machine off.
I couldnt go to your funeral, I couldn't bear to see you in the casket, its not what I wanted, I wanted My sister back, My life seem to fall apart, for yrs I seem to only exsist but never living, feeling numb all the time, and anger, anger at everyone our parents for being who they were, for not protecting us like parents promise when they have kids,at god for bringing us in this world and then taking you away, at you for leaving me here to carry alone.
Then a wonderful gift from god, My daughter, when she was born early, I remember being so scared, worried, then one nite in a dream you came to me, and said dont be afraid shes going to be ok, that you will always watch over her, and all will be alright, and she was just as you had told me in my dream, and again I saw you, for a split second I saw you, while my daughter was in her highchair, as if you were hovering over her, I dont know if it was because I was so tired, or dreaming, but you were there..
I have never seen you again, but I feel you, and I know your here with me, your My angel, you gave me strength to leave the bad place I was in when we were 17, you gave me the strength to be determined to survive and not let the anger swollow me, you gave me the strength to live for us both.
I cannot say I dont cry, cause I do, at least once a day I cry cause I miss you so much, but I know when that times comes you will be there waiting for me and once again we will be together..I love you Sandra and I miss you.